Just came back from watching the movie Avatar. The computer graphics are superb – beyond words and expression. While enjoying the movie, something strikes me deeply – both the human and avatar world reflects my inner world – the egoic and the wise.
The ego has a destructive and wastage nature. It could not help not doing that for that’s its nature. So long as I am unaware of its nature I will express exactly what the ego is. I can’t not be angry while I am angry unless for that instant the wise part of me wakes up from that dream. I can’t not be destructive either. My greed for more and the aversion for not getting what I desire is in constant calling. This is my dream. I am the dreamwalker in this world of fear until I get a wakeup call away from this dream.
In this dream, the world I perceive is dangerous and harmful. I see everyone taking advantage of me, as if attacking my vulnerability. For that I have to keep defending myself not to be hurt mentally or emotionally. I am holding an invisible mask of pretense most of the time. I am never at peace, constantly on alert, putting up a looking-good front. I avoid conflicts to protect myself. I am in constant lack, wanting more and amassing more. I am numb to stress as it becomes a part of me. My self-security is easily triggered and threatened by things around me.
Whenever I wake-up from this dream, the world does not seems to be what I thought. This world and the other seems in perfect opposite. Everything is possible, and there is a feeling of abundance everywhere. In this space there is simplicity – everyone is simply perfectly who they are. Their anger is just an expression of calling for love. Their desire is an expression of needing to be understood. They are just yet to wake-up, and there is no hurry, for their time will come. For me, there is just eyes of compassion, of love for everything. There is no eagerness to reach anywhere. There is contentment in each moment of being. Freedom and love is my essence. There is an infinite intelligence in this essence. and healing is its property.
The language I speak comes from understanding. Every word I express is from the level of authenticity. There is no harboring of fear or pretense except openness and love. Every experience is an experience of wisdom.
I am toggling in both worlds and I saw myself more in the wake-up world. The reverse seems to be occurring. The dream in my sleep is more stressful. Which is real?
I am still dreaming. The dreams are the “reality”, until I wake up.
I do not wake up by myself, who is there to wake me up?
Maybe one day I will wake up by myself, just maybe. Should I just do nothing?
In this dreaming state, I am powerless against ego.
Ego is super duper copy cat, seems forever I am off guard against it sneaky sneaks.
This is the delusions. Real tricky ones.
Be present and observe.
There are myriads of things, do I watch? Do I listen? Do I feel? Do I taste?
Do I randomly pick up something, and try to be present?
What? How? Which one?
What does it take to understand?
Shall I wait forever to understand?
The journey is being spoken by many. The kingdom is being described.
My ears listen, myself is somewhere unknown.
I cannot comprehend.
I feel lost and there’s not even a sign to say that I am lost.
For all that I have learnt via my 5 senses of seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and of course thoughts, one never really “knows” at that moment. The knowing/realisation just “click” anytime, anywhere. I still do not understand this existence, at times “banging my head on the wall” for the confusion seems the easy way. Yet amidst these confusions, I have learnt to just “BE”. Strangely, little “ahas” start to appear. And when I say little, yes it is little to me yet, inspiring at the same time.
Just like when I read this blog, for once, I could distinguish that I am living in 2 worlds. The world of doing which is so real to me and now I can call it the dream world. And the world when I’m being present, or awake, though the space here is still very short.
What an irony!
Whether I am awake or I am dreaming I am only playing out the opposite of the same space. So am I really fully awake as yet? But yet awake is better than dream as I can enjoy what I experience without being personal about it. When I am angry I can experience what anger is and in that moment I am no longer angry but simply feeling angry. So the little awareness or wakeful state brings me more and more towards full wakefulness in seeing everything is just an experience. To acquire the ultimate Peace, I have to work on little, little peace. And yet that little peace is the Peace until my meaning of little sets in. Indeed paradoxical.
No one wakes me up except my own conditioning. I am still in the dream because of my own conditioning. And what are conditioning? Views and ideas.
Heya i got to your site by mistake when i was searching bing for something off topic here but i do have say your site is really helpful, like the theme and the content on here…so thanks for me procrastinating from my previous task, lol
Hey, this is my first visit to your blog… We are a group of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. good job
This was refreshing. It?s nice to finally find a site where the blogger knows what they are talking about.
Thanks! The awaken state is just a breath away from the dream!
Best wishes to your initiative!
Hi, first I want to say nice blog. I don’t always agree with your blogposts but it’s always a interesting read.
Keep up the good posting.